My home is a little over 1500 square foot and when people enter my house every thing always looks like it is in place but when you get to my Bedroom that’s a different story.  Clothes are everywhere, books are not in their proper places, papers are slung under the bed, bills are in shoe boxes etc.  Well that use to say a lot about me.    See when you walk in my house the living room, dinning room, kitchen and den always look so dainty, that just reminds me of how I look physically on the outside, always have the hair done, makeup is perfect, clothes look good smelling good etc. but as soon as people try to get too close my innocence and vulnerability, I run to the bedroom of my soul and hide.  Sometimes people have walked right into my life to make me aware that my bedroom was dirty and I need to clean it up.  Others have out right bought me a hamper for the clothes, a broom and dustpan for the trash. When I started feeling good I would go and try to start the cleaning but when I started to look around I became overwhelm by the tons of clothes some which are practically new.  “Oh my God,” what about the bills that I’ve forgotten to pay.  What about the books and papers slung everywhere.  I have become so overwhelm by stuff that I would just walk out of the room and shut the door in disgust and begin thinking to myself how did I let it get this bad.  There have been times where I just wanted someone to come and rescue me.  I thought about hireing a housekeeper.  But if I hire a house keeper that person will constantly have to keep my house clean.   That’s clearly taking the responsibility and putting it on someone else’s lap.  One day someone made me aware that I can never let others do for me what I won’t do for myself.  With that said, I decided not to go into that room anymore until I decide how to clean up all of the mess that I had accumulated, all of the hurt, pain, resentment, and hate.  Well guess what?  Do you know I stayed out of my room for 16 years?  Every time something came along and I could not handle it I just threw it in the room. When the person that I cared for could not care for me back because he was emotionally unavailable I took that rejection and just threw it in the room.  When the checks bounce because I was not being responsible with my money, because of fear that there was not enough, I threw it in the room. When the father of my son could not be there to help me raise him I took that resentment and threw it in the room.  When people would reject me or make me feel like I was not enough, I balled it up and threw it in the room.  When my mom told me she hated that she had me because of her own pain, I threw it in the room.  When they made me feel that I was not good enough, I threw it in the room.  When he just stop talking to me because of his insecurities, I took it wrap it in a beautiful box with beautiful ribbon and threw it in the room.  With all of that stuff piled up in the room it sent me into a state of shock and unworthiness, feeling inadequate, like I was not good enough.  You know being out of my room for so long, looks like a dark damp basement with prison doors around it.  I thought maybe I can just hide my bedroom from everyone but every time they saw one portion of my house they always wanted to see my bedroom.  I would shoo them away from my room while controlling what places they where allow to sit.  I would ignore them so that maybe they would just leave.  When they would insist on seeing my bedroom we would start up the steps and down the hall but by the time we would pass the first bathroom door, I would turn them around and just escort them out of my house with hurtful word from my mouth.  I would hurt their feelings by making them feel in adequate, like they had the problem.  The truth of the matter was, the problem was me and all of the garbage that I had accumulated in my room.   I was too afraid to let them see it in disarray.  I was afraid that they would judge me, tell me that I was dirty, and make fun of me.  Soon after I discover that nobody wanted to see me or my room because I ran everyone off,  it was just me and my dainty living room,  dinning room,  kitchen and den and my junk filled bedroom.  I had pack that room so full of junk that the junk started spilling into the other bedrooms and that’s when I knew that I had to deal with all of this junk that I had accumulated.  One day I just sat and meditated about my stuff and how can I clean it up.  After mediation it came to me, “you can only do this process step by step and piece by piece.”   One day I decided to get clear about what I really wanted and open the door to my soul and just clean up. Well when I push the door open I again became overwhelm. I took a deep cleansing breath and headed straight to the bathroom where I keep the cleaning supplies.  I pulled it out and begin to work on the bathroom of my bedroom.  There was that 16 year old bathtub where I had tried to wash the hurt of someone rejection off, the toilet where I thought I had released and let go of all the old stuff.  And let us not forget about the sink where I had washed plenty of good opportunities down the drain.   I scrubbed and cleaned until I had it sparkling.  Then I got to the mirrors of the bathroom and took Windex and newspaper and clean the dust and crannies.  I decided this will no longer serve me if I looked at myself in disgust or blame.  This will be a mirror where I now look at myself with confidence and with a knowing that I’m worthy of having everything and anything in this life that I say I want.  I started picking up and sorting clothes from years back.  What didn’t fit I threw out.  I knew that I had to stop letting things just pile up if it no longer serve me any purpose.  Things that I could fit but it did not feel good against my skin I threw out.  One thing I found out about myself is because it fit doesn’t mean that it feels good.  Stuff that felt good, I washed and Iron it and hung it on hangers.  I was starting to respect it and appreciated the fact that it stood with me in all the stuff that I had accumulated through thick and thin In spite of my nasty attitude and controlling ways.  After I sorted all of the clothes I started working on the books I had slung around in every direction on the bed of my heart. The books represent all of the things I vowed to do, wanted to become and one day promise myself I will be and never got around to doing any of it because of fear and the feeling of unworthiness.  I politely gathered each book, dust it off with my passion and placed it on the book shelf of my heart with a knowing that everything I said I will accomplished!  I took all of the old bills that represent unfinished business and affairs with people and my finances and placed them in a box.  I knew that when I walk out on them emotionally and leave them hanging, it would not be the last time we would see each other again.  I begin to change the sheets and put new sheets on the bed of my heart. The old sheets was full of resentment and rage, I no longer wanted to  have my heart covered with this type of  chaos every again. I look over at the closet and begin pulling out stuff the was just pack on top of each other. All the old hurt from childhood memories, the stuff that my father told me that hurt my feelings, the pity my mom felt for me because she just did not think I would make it, the molestation from my cousin, the abuse from so-called high school boyfriends.  Anything in my life that I was every ashamed of was packed in this closet.  I began to pull everything out and stuff that no longer serve me; I begin to get rid of it.  I begin to forgive my parents for what I thought was hurtful.  I now realize that I could no longer blame them for my unhappiness.  They were just doing what they thought was best and they only knew what they was taught.  I begin to forgive my cousin for the molestation.  I figure maybe he was abused at one point in his life and maybe he did not know how to express that pain but through molesting others.  I forgave every man for the abuse they bestowed upon me weather it was physically or mentally or emotionally.  I begin to see things much clearer.  I was starting to have some hope and I realize in that moment I was changing.  In the corner of my closet I saw a dusty box wrap so pretty with a beautiful ribbon.  That beautiful gift box represented an old memory of someone walking out of my life because of their own insecurities and it had nothing to do with me.  I chuckle a little, all this time I thought it was me and it was the both of us being insecure and not telling each other what we really needed to say.  The box also reminded me of the good feeling I felt with this person how he held me and look at me and I just broke down and cried because all of these years I’ve been looking for that feeling I had it and because of my ego I let it walk right out of my life.  While standing their looking a the box, suddenly a gloom of hope came over me just to let me know that he was only here to teach me.  So I can now say no to what I don’t want. And even though the box was a beautiful box it no longer server me because we have both change and if this opportunity every came back around it must be better then what we had.  You can never go back to the way things use to be.  It needs to be better then what it use to be if it ever be another next time.  After cleaning out the closet I was now ready for the possibility of opening up.  After making the bed I was open to the possibility of someone entering my heart and letting them stay just as long as they made me feel good.  As I scan the room I see everything in its proper place but one box.  I realize, its the box of the old bills.  I got a pen and note book paper and started writing letters to all the friends that I would not let in my room.  I explain to them that it was because I was afraid and the way I acted had nothing to do with them.  I contacted all of the bill collectors to ask for their forgiveness for not making good on my promise to pay them and ask what can we do to get this debt paid.  Just because a person has bad experiences in their life does not make them a bad person, so why did I have to act that way?   I now know that I am a good person that has had some bad experiences and I’m still learning from them. I will not allow other people to pay for the things that I have gone threw.  I can’t tell you that I am ready for someone to be in my life but I am setting the foundation to have everything that I truly desire in my life.  If that means cleaning up and getting rid of all the old stuff that’s a good thing.  After cleaning all of the old garbage that no longer serve me I started a barn fire in the back yard and celebrated the presence of everything it taught me as I drank a glass of wine and sung let it burn.  From this day forward start working on your foundation for having everything that you truly want by cleaning up your room.  With a dirty room there is no place for no one to sit.   From life coach ly’netta

IS IT OK TO DATE MORE THAN ONE MAN

I think that it is ok to date more than one person.  As a female of color that was raised in the church, in a very strict upbringing, I was taught that dating more then one man meant that you were a hoer or trying to be a hoer.  So the first man that came along, you always thought that was he’s the person you were going to marry.  I always tell women especially young women, “don’t just settle for the first man that comes along.  Date men and get to know them.”  Now getting to know them doesn’t mean that you need to have sex with them.  (Though I am a believer that before I buy it I need to try it.)   Get to know them on an emotional level.  See if the both of you are compatible, are your beliefs the same etc.  Make sure the person make you feel good and is not afraid to show emotions.  Make sure you remain real and remember that people need to accept you for you, just as you are.  If they can’t then move on to the next person.  What I’ve found out is, this is a big world, there is someone for everyone but you can’t be afraid to step out.  From life coach Ly’netta

Should you marry a man without being in love with them?

I don’t believe a woman should marry a man that she is not in love with. What people fail to realize is that when a women truly loves a man, it hides a multitude of faults, and what I mean by that is if he don’t put the toilet seat down, you are not going to get mad and just leave him.  If he snores in his sleep you may become irritated but you won’t up and leave.   Any woman that is not in love with the men that she is married too will not be able to put up with his nasty ways, they will always want to just up and leave.  I would say that love is the tool that one needs to make a marriage work and without that you might as well be playing Jack and Jill went up the hill.  From life coach ly’netta

When do I know when I am ready to have sex with my partner?

You will know that you are ready to have sex with your partner when you have built an emotional connection and the connection is for 6 months or more.  You will know when you and your partner are on the same page of the book.  You will know when the partner can’t get you out of their head.  You will know when you are able to draw your partner in with your words so when sally down the street comes around flaunting her stuff, he’s not going to want none of her cookies because he has already taken a bite out of your Oreo without even tasting the cream.  Before any women decide to take their relationship to an intimate level make sure you have an emotional connection and make sure you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to the relationship.   From   Life coach Ly’netta